My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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