my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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