Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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