where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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