just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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