You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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