I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
