are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
