shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He passed out mid-signature
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
