just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
