I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
