i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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