I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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