So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
