A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
