i barfeds in our rink
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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