all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
