Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
