is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
