She is in my trunk
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
