Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
