My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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