Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need water and some morals
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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