Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
