Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
