Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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