i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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