i just wanna soil my oats bro
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
