I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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