after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize