apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
