Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
