i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
