Just cropdusted the office
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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