Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
