She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
