i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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