Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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