I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
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Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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