Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
