I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
