What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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