They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
