I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
