highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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