were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
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It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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