I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
