All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
