Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
