I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
