Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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