dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
