Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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