I think I won the penis lottery.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
