I think my vagina is haunted
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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