Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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