Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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