he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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