It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
