I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
