So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
