so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
