you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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