Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
