found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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