At least make sure they are 18
Why
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
