Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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