i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
