Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
