Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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