i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
