The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
