Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
