i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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