Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just gift wrapped bread.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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