I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
