in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
