I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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