Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
