these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
